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There followed a brief period with lots of dates, always with considerably younger women, a few of whom shared my bed for short periods, as I tried to regain my self-respect in the misguided belief that this would a young woman would do that as well as prove my manliness. All it did prove was that I was not cut out for the swinging life; I am by nature monogamous and for me sex, as important as it was in my life, needed to be part of something greater. After one evening of sweaty sex with a twenty-one year old, followed by post coital conversation, I realised that there was more than just physical years between us. It shows how sad I had become because I can't even remember the girl's name. I love conversation and this girl, who was intelligent enough, just did not have the life experience to hold my interest beyond the initial 'courtship'. This led me to my current situation, one of celibacy.At fifty-one my celibate life only occasionally got to me, but the previous month had been. I was hoping that one day maybe, just maybe we might get back together."I didn't know what to think anymore. I never had talked to her and now I hear this. God, my mind was in turmoil. I wanted her, I loved her, I hated what she did to me and to our marriage. What if she followed up on her thoughts?Was she laying a guilt trip on me? I had to know more before I'd believe her I knew I couldn't live with it if she would take her own life. I thought I knew her well enough to know if she was lying to me, but I don't know anymore. I had to find out for sure, but how? We all have thoughts like that once in awhile. Thank God, we don't follow through on them. I had to say something to her, but what."Beth, I'm getting hungry. Care to join me at the Red Lobster for lunch. We could discuss what we'll give Amy for a wedding present?" All I heard for the next thirty seconds was crying.Then a tiny voice said, "I'd love to." Now, Beth, you have to understand that this isn't for sex; it's lunch and a.
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